Recently a friend and I had a falling out because of words used in an email. The content was unadulterated human drama. First a defensive position was taken, then an injured ego, then perpetuating cycles of explanation, then more hurt feelings and on and on it went…. All of it was exhausting to read and even more complex to try to sort out. The more words used in any attempt to detangle from the misunderstanding the deeper and deeper the drama continued… Words are often a trap of the mind! Then a realization came to the surface: fear is REALLY completely gone from whatever is left of Kate (no-body, no-thing, no-mind)….And with fear gone, the ability to listen to someone try and fool themselves and (the apparent) me also left. The position they were taking was defensive and ego-based and was identified immediately. And all I was doing was perpetuating the cycle simply by continuing to respond in effort to point to truth. During the event and afterwards, I attempted to remain completely in observation mode. Then took additional time to reflect on what happened. Needless to say it was very odd to feel what was arising. Did Kate become completely indifferent to human emotion? Was she compassionless? Was she just a big mean person now? Then something even stranger occurred! I began laughing and couldn’t stop. These questions were really funny. A realization, understanding and acceptance then arose that when “big bad fear” is gone, his little cronies: “opinion” and “belief”take a hike too. Without these conditioned beliefs present, life becomes quite humorous. Through this process something else surfaced too. A message/memory of something I read recently came in….Lori Ann, (a fellow blogger ) wrote about a disagreement she had with her boyfriend. Something that caused him great suffering to the point he was going to end their relationship. She suggested calmly and with out resistance, to take some time and if you still feel this way in a few days then so be it -(Lori -pardon my paraphrasing your words…) And I had done something kind of similar, I suggested to my friend, “when you are done reacting and taking this personally call me and we can speak in person or over the phone”. Immediately after this statement ALL obligations to fix it were gone. Also it was observed that there was quite a different vibrational feeling, I was no-longer invested in anyway to the event or the outcome. Previously there always existed this “effort to fix” misunderstandings including the actions of “taking inappropriate responsibility of another person’s reactions”. And this was always accompanied by residual guilt and then an apology in “effort to fix”. Oddly enough I reconnected with some old friends on Skype, Penelope and Nick. Several years ago, we spent a lot of time in Satsung and I also participated in a silent weekend retreat. Let’s just say they were the first to pop my spiritual-seeking cherry! Nick is a Spiritual Teacher of Self-Inquiry. He also has a new book available (book info below). Penelope, his beautiful and talented wife specializes in publishing, writing and is also a Certified Biofeedback Technician. My fondest memory of her was during a silent retreat, I had a major break through following a dynamic meditation. She sat with me while I recovered from it so to speak. She is truly an angel and I am so happy to have reconnected with them, especially now that Kate is a no-body! I digress…. During our Skype visit the subject of the “filter being gone” came up. I mentioned that I was adjusting to having “no filter” and that it recently created a lot of reaction. Nick chuckled and said, yeah, isn’t it interesting when your resistance to “what is” has disappeared but others are still resisting. I reflected on this message and then concluded inside myself that when the mind goes, anything goes!!! So on that note I would like to share a link to Nick, his info and book.
Thank you both for your friendship, love, & support, you continue to be a spiritual compass pointing directly towards truth and living a liberated life!
Truth, Liberation, Happiness, & Joy to all! ♥♥♥
Thank you I am for this moment!
~Kate/ I am 🙂